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Ok.. I am supposed to be off to class very soon.. but for some reason, the installation program isn't running.
I shall continue with a little more ranting. At least I have some place to chuck my rubbish.
I know it's Ruth's birthday today and I know I am not being very nice. But seriously. I have reached a point where I can't be bothered to care anymore. It hurts too much to care. Maybe not caring might solve all these emotional problems.
If I tell all this to anyone in the church, I really don't know how they will react.
I know that I care about the opinion of Man too much. I know that is my greatest shortcoming. At the same time, I feel so trapped as I am surrounded by the opinion of Man.
My passion has died out. The flame no longer burns. I can't even be bothered to go down to counter anymore. They talk about creating ministries for people to serve. Yet they take people out of minitries that people actually want to serve in. Honestly, do I think Ruth will let me serve in WT in my current status. No way. I'm too 'unstable'. I don't like leading the choir. I don't like teaching CDS. I really don't like any of them at all. But I still have to do it anyway.
People not from church ask me why I do things. I can't really give them a reason. Some things I can tell them, well, look the Bible says so. God commands that of Christians. But others, I'm not so sure. Am I just blindly following the commands of Man instead of checking the reality of the WoG?
Take Rachel for instance. Ruth keeps telling me to let her be. That she's been stubborn, rebellious and not letting us help her. But have we ever considered the truth in what she says about the church. Or do we just brush them aside just as we brush her aside cos she's not as 'on' anymore. Becky said this church just focuses on the 'on' people. When you are not so 'on' they just push you into the background. Is there truth in what she says? Yes, I think there is.
If I am obedient, I listen to Ruth, do what is expected of me. My relationship with her is nice and easy. But when I throw a tamtrum, she goes to Yvonne to complain about me. She gets fed-up. So if I wasn't so committed to the church, what would our relationship be like?
The Lord our God is slow to anger and abounding in grace and mercy. Are we like that?
I shall continue with a little more ranting. At least I have some place to chuck my rubbish.
I know it's Ruth's birthday today and I know I am not being very nice. But seriously. I have reached a point where I can't be bothered to care anymore. It hurts too much to care. Maybe not caring might solve all these emotional problems.
If I tell all this to anyone in the church, I really don't know how they will react.
I know that I care about the opinion of Man too much. I know that is my greatest shortcoming. At the same time, I feel so trapped as I am surrounded by the opinion of Man.
My passion has died out. The flame no longer burns. I can't even be bothered to go down to counter anymore. They talk about creating ministries for people to serve. Yet they take people out of minitries that people actually want to serve in. Honestly, do I think Ruth will let me serve in WT in my current status. No way. I'm too 'unstable'. I don't like leading the choir. I don't like teaching CDS. I really don't like any of them at all. But I still have to do it anyway.
People not from church ask me why I do things. I can't really give them a reason. Some things I can tell them, well, look the Bible says so. God commands that of Christians. But others, I'm not so sure. Am I just blindly following the commands of Man instead of checking the reality of the WoG?
Take Rachel for instance. Ruth keeps telling me to let her be. That she's been stubborn, rebellious and not letting us help her. But have we ever considered the truth in what she says about the church. Or do we just brush them aside just as we brush her aside cos she's not as 'on' anymore. Becky said this church just focuses on the 'on' people. When you are not so 'on' they just push you into the background. Is there truth in what she says? Yes, I think there is.
If I am obedient, I listen to Ruth, do what is expected of me. My relationship with her is nice and easy. But when I throw a tamtrum, she goes to Yvonne to complain about me. She gets fed-up. So if I wasn't so committed to the church, what would our relationship be like?
The Lord our God is slow to anger and abounding in grace and mercy. Are we like that?
posted by Ivy at 7:53 PM
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